Alienated
Posted by Jonathan Ng | Filed under Personal
In a word, that’s how I feel most of the time. Sometimes I wonder if it’s just my environment, or is it just me, me, me. You know, I’m a geek. I’m almost one, and might as well be one, since it’s probably the only thing I’m good at. I’m brought up with one thing stamped in my head: “be productive”. I feel so different from the people around me. At this point of time, my focus is only on books. The only other thing that interests me is the Imagine Cup, and hence, .Net related stuff. Yeah, all the geeky stuff.
People around me like Dota, World Cup betting, playing, entertainment and celebrities. I happen to be the opposite. I don’t play much games (only NFS), I don’t bet, I watch football if I’ve got nothing better to do, and I find entertainment talk boring. The only stuff that I watch (other than movies and comedies) are Channel 9 videos.
There’s like an ocean between me and most of my friends. Nothing much in common, hardly any common topics to chat about. Classmates? Assignment talk. Is it just me? Sometimes I think so. But there are some great fellas I get along with too y’know..
And then there’s some other peculiar (to most people) habits of mine. I hate people touching my stuff coz they don’t leave it back in it’s original position. Perhaps I’m too particular at stuff like that, so much that I would know if someone used my computer. The only exception is to Leng Xiang. Let’s not even talk ’bout people who borrow my stuff and won’t return it until I ask it from them..
I’ve also got different spending habits. I tend to save on a lot of daily stuff, and splash it out on computer-related stuff. I paid for my own speakers, additional hard disk, Cooler Master casing, cheap graphics card, RAM, Logitech keyboard and mouse set, 17′ Samsung LCD screen and more recently, UPS. I never asked a penny from my parents when buying such stuff. All from budgeting an amount from my monthly pocket money. In contrast, most of my friends spend on stuff I save on. I tend to think they spend like money grows on trees, but in truth it’s just different spending habits.
Some of my friends also seem to think that it’s their responsibilities to use as little of their parents money as possible. The kind of money they refer to is the money that their parents have already set aside for them for education. I’ve got different thoughts. I feel that it’s not my responsibility to worry ’bout my parent’s financials (just don’t go demanding for extra pocket money or going overseas for the entire degree lah). Instead, I think that my responsibility is to make the very best out of the money they ‘give’ me. Study hard, get a 1st class Honours, and the like. I think parents will be more proud their son’s who do well academically (or in something else) rather than those who save on money already allocated to them.
My relationship with s00kwei ain’t that good either. I don’t know if it’s coz I’m super busy or what, but we really talk a lot less. I once thought that we’d at least MSN (in the same house, haha), but no, we don’t. We’re sort of losing touch.. distanced..
So I spent the day, and many other previous days, wondering if I’m the odd ball out, or is it just my current environment. It’s just 2 months into my “advanced diploma” life, and sometimes I feel like I’m fighting this battle (exams) all alone. Will I go through this chapter of my life alone, alienated? Sigh..
Tags: life
3 Responses to “Alienated”
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cyber-red Says:
July 8th, 2006 at 9:37 pmi realised the more we age, the more our circle of friends dwindle. In a way, you know who your friends are - separating those who use you to those who you can trust.
Just be yourself and ppl will like you for that.
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eyrique Says:
July 9th, 2006 at 1:23 amaww.. sad to hear that.
seriously, i wondered why you wanted to move in with them. coz i know u n them, dont mix that well. i can tell s00kwei is the reason.
being alienated and different is quite nomal. I feel alienated too. like a lot. well, sometimes i just prefer to be alone. alone as in, do not want to think about all those ‘i hv been left out, i hv been alienated’ stuffz.
damn the peer presure man. hate it.
about s00kwei, well, u’ll need to put more effort. its hard for u i can tell. u dont talk wut they mostly talk about. mind u, jennie hv da problem as well.
just a piece of my mind, mingle around with them. or at least like, talk. not necessarily talk wut they talk. just well, i dunno… if u watched world cup ads, i like wut they say. ‘be part of the family’. it never fail to touch me. tats wut i meant.
u’ll do well dude. as wut cyber-red sed, dont lose ur identity. stay cool dude!
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Ben Says:
July 9th, 2006 at 9:15 pmYou can’t use MSN to replace a face-to-face chat. “Edward Hallowell, a noted psychiatrist who has been treating patients with anxiety disorders–many of them business executives–for more than 20 years, warns that we are in danger of losing what he calls the human moment: an authentic psychological encounter that can happen only when two people share the same physical space.”
These patients travelled a lot around the globe. They were well connected (they could pick up their phones and reach the other party in any place around the globe), but ironically, isolated. This happened because of a lack of what she called the ‘human moment’. That is, two people have to share the same physical space, or meet face-to-face, in order to have an authentic psychological encounter.
Imagine, if your lecturer assigned 5 persons including you to a group, and all of you have not met before. You were only given the contact details of your group members. Furthermore, your lecturer demanded that all of you shall not make physical contact, i.e. no face-to-face meeting. You can only communicate through e-mails, telephone, or instant messaging. Will this setting work? Obviously not, for there is a lack of human touch.
To add further to her ‘human touch’ theory, you need to realize that every human being needs to be “touched” physically. This is particularly true in babies. Babies that were not “touched” or caressed by their parents, developed problems in their adulthood such as growing into young adults causing social ills. Grown-ups, too, need to be touched physically, e.g. a hug now and then, so that they know that they are indeed ‘loved’ by the other party. It satisfies one of the basic needs in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs — the need to be loved.
Sometimes, you may not have much to talk about. Its alright. Remember that communication is not a one-way process. It has to be two-way. Have you ever been concerned and asked about the other person? In future, if you don’t have anything to say, you could for example try asking how was the other person’s day. After a day’s study/work, all the other party may want is a pair of listening ears. And indeed, it is a good way to start a meaningful conversation.
